Table of Contents
Introduction
Ask a bunch of dudes for tips on how to get better in bed for guys and many of them will swear that pounding harder, longer and deeper is all that’s needed to keep the ladies satisfied. WRONG!
Your tool could give a jack hammer a run for its money, yet, we promise, there must have been more than one woman (depending on your track record) who went all “Sally” on ya.
“Uhhh, oohh, yes, yes, OMG, OMG, right there, yes”.
And this is a call for all Harry’s out there who triumphantly claim that they would be able to tell for sure if their woman was faking it.
Mis hombres, here is little eye opener for you, and it’s got scientific backing too- nearly 60% of women have faked it and that isn’t an age specific figure (1).
So, there is no way that you never got a faker under or above you; just that you were either too self-assured to notice or just did not care enough.
But the mere fact that you are on this page tells us that it is probably flawed thinking and an Oscar-worthy fake orgasm that got you fooled.
Having said that, the real question that you should be asking is this-Is it only the underperformers who need to ramp up their bedroom skills?
Hell no! You see, this misconception arises from the fact that you are trying to understand the needs of an orifice through the workings of an appendage.
Let us get a bit more specific here- While men have an ejaculation/orgasm rate of 95% from penetrative sex, a dismal 10% women climax from intercourse alone.
And get a load of this- All that moaning and vocalization is not always to massage our egos. A lot of women will fake it because they want their partners to get it done with already (2)!
In a nutshell, you being the energizer bedroom bunny may not work for your partner. Sure, penetrative sex can be loads of fun for both partners if done right. Also, there is an inbuilt element of closeness/intimacy to the whole act that offers a psychological sense of fulfillment.
But, if we are strictly talking about physical pleasure and satisfaction, neither size nor lasting power is of great importance to women, contrary to what all those porn flicks would have you believe.
Why is the blue pill such a hit and ED such a menace? Because lasting longer offers more psychological and physical pleasure to men!
However, let’s not forget, the ability, or, let us rephrase that, the power to give a woman that toe curling climax is also a huge aspect of male sexual satisfaction.
Accept it already- making her quiver and moan and thrash about in the throes of ecstasy makes you feel like a stud. And if that is the power you crave or the art that you want to master, we’ve got a few tips for you.
10 Tips for Guys that Actually Work!
1.Think about that which is in between the ears before that which is in between the legs
“Not today baby.” “I’m too tired.” “Just not in the mood right now.” We hear those statements, or any version thereof, and we ask ourselves, is she not getting anything out of this?
Worse yet, you are thinking she never said “no” when the relationship was new. Now she runs away from it like your penis is the plague!
What exactly went wrong? According to a German study, women’s sex drive plummets a few years into the relationship while her need for tenderness and intimacy grows, but there are no such changes in men.
Do you see the point of disconnect here? If you are expecting her to open her legs and accommodate you just because you are taking the trouble of seeking her out in bed, of course you’re going to get those scripted statements.
Try earning your reward for a change. Show her some TLC. It does not have to be a dozen long stem roses or anything along those lines.
You would be surprised by how much of a difference genuine compliments and praise can make.
Hearing out her work woes (shut up already with your solutions, just be a good listener), helping with the chores, an impromptu foot massage- just cuz, and other such small acts can set the mood even without you trying for it.
2.Her vagina may be the center of your universe, but it sure isn’t the center of her universe.
Sure an impressive rack is a sight to behold for most men, but the grand prize is always the hoo-ha, and they want to get there at warp speed.
While some are selfish enough to forego foreplay completely, others behave like they have a foreplay checklist pinned to the headboard and they go-
Kiss- check, neck nibble- check, breast squeeze-check, add a step or two more to the list and finally they get to- Vag baby, here I come.
If that’s your routine, no wonder you aren’t getting any. Foreplay is where the fun is for her. Follow the 90-10 rule i.e. 90% time for foreplay and 10% for intercourse.
Ever heard of the female penis? Yes, that’s the little bud that sits under the hood; the one we know as the clitoris.
That is her most erogenous zone but there are also others, and each one of them is begging for attention, so give it to them and while you’re at it, don’t forget to get off the beaten path.
Experiment with different sensations because something new and unexpected always gets the nerves firing.
3.Accepting help won’t make you any less of a man.
Women need about 10-12 minutes of clitoral stimulation to climax and not all of it can come from finger flicking.
And, let’s get real, there are only so many circles you can make with your tongue and there are only 52 alphabets to trace. Why not take help if it’s going to help your cause?
Remember what your tongue and fingers can’t do a rabbit will, and when we say “rabbit”, we’re expecting you to know what that is in the sex toy realm.
The math is simple here- Only about half of all women orgasm when having sex with their partner, but all women (save for those suffering from anorgasmia) get off when they are playing with themselves, and toys are often a part of the mix.
Now you know why sex toys are a $15 billion industry and why you should be using them. Get a pair of ben wa balls or even a vibrating egg to give her lady bits the stimulation they need, while you focus on her other parts.
The goal is stimulation overload for her brain and you only have two hands and one tongue; of course you need the extra paraphernalia.
4.Variety is the spice of life, your sex life included.
Was it Christian Grey that made the 50 Shades series such a massive money churner? Hell no! It was the idea of indulging in something totally new and different.
When was the last time you considered something other than missionary and doggy or even took your sexcapade out of the bedroom?
I believe I speak for myself and other guys out there when I say this- The euphoria of a new relationship makes you want to sex-mark every corner of your home and every other spot you can do it in without getting arrested.
But, as the years roll on, the bed is where the actions starts and ends.
I promise you the dining table still offers the perfect height and the couch is still just as bouncy, so revisit your old jaunts and if that is not an option as your brood grows, get a hotel room once in a while.
Chuck those PJs for your birthday suit just for one night if not for always. Do something different and it will quickly get the excitement back into your sex life.
5.Talking about sex is just as exciting as indulging in sex.
The brain is where sexual stimulation starts for both men and women. If that were not the case, sexual imagery and words would not get you all hot/hard and bothered.
Unfortunately, that is another aspect of sexuality that goes for a toss with time.
When we read Bezos’ steamy text messages to his mistress, I wondered if he had sent something along those lines to his wife recently.
And then, we turned around and asked ourselves the same question. We’ll be the first to confess, we boys put in a profound effort when we want to get inside her pants.
But, a committed relationship, marriage or any long-term arrangement is sort of like a hall pass. Once you get it, the booty is going to be around, so why bother with the effort?
How about you change that mindset? Do this- leave her a note where only she will find it or text her and tell her what you want to do to her.
Write her a love letter telling her how she makes you feel, what the sight of her body does to you. Imagination is a very powerful tool and one that can easily be used to your advantage.
Soak her in your words and let her simmer in her own imagination of what’s to come and by the time you are back home, she will be ripe for the taking.
Another way is to write down your fantasies and read them out for each other or pick soft porn and talk about the bits that each of you enjoyed. You are limited only by your own creativity here.
6.Don’t F***, make love.
You know the term “I nailed her,”? Don’t take it too literally, really. Yes, for some, pain brings pleasure but that is not a universal choice.
Sure, you will want to drive into her faster and harder at some point because you crave your release so badly and the extra stimulation is just what you need to drive you over the edge.
But, most women enjoy it when men build up to that part. Of course, there will be those moments when both of you are pining for a quickie, but that’s not every time.
So, no matter what the position, spend more time on gentle and less on hard. And, we’re not just talking about intercourse here; that advice applies across the board.
Most women don’t appreciate hickies and those are her breasts not dough for bread that you can squish. Ditto for her nipples, they are not chew toys and her clit isn’t a fidget toy. We think you get the point.
7.No shame in asking for directions.
We would be shocked and disappointed if after that section, none of you asked- but what about the gals who like it rough?
To that, we’re going to say, far be it from us to deny a girl a red bottom when she clearly craves it.
But, the difference between BDSM and abuse and rough and rape, is about consent and desire. The simplest way to know what she wants is to ask her.
Believe us when we tell you this, no one knows a woman’s body better than herself. Let her show you and tell you how she wants to be pleasured.
8.There are no “one- size-fits all” solutions to female pleasure.
Don’t be mean to the vulva-owners just because they do not conform to the ideas of sexual satisfaction held by the penis-owners.
The sooner you accept the fact that your partner’s sexual needs are different from your own, the easier it will be for you to open up your mind to doing things differently.
And, whatever you do, don’t fall for cliché assumptions. That is a surefire way to go from sex stud to dud.
For instance, “if she is not wet after all the work I put in, she must be frigid.” Vaginal dryness is a concern for a lot of women, but you can easily work around it with some lube.
Another classic- “All women enjoy giving head.” Not anymore than every man likes going down on a woman. We know a lot of men and women who are not into oral sex simply because of the association of the genitals with excretion.
Yes, there are dental dams and condoms to circumvent that issue. But, if either of you is repulsed by the idea, don’t do it. After all, sex is and should be about mutual pleasure.
9.Start making love to her even before you actually start the sex part of it.
Coitus and even non-coital sex are just a small part of the intimacy spectrum. The human body needs and craves touch.
Don’t limit your kisses, caresses, hugs and grasps just to sex-time. Non-sexual touch conveys a sense of tenderness and responsiveness, which are a kind of mental foreplay.
So, go ahead and give her an impromptu neck rub or a back rub; hold her hand when she is least expecting it, put your arms around her waist or her shoulder, while you are standing or sitting casually.
In fact, I’d go so far as to say, take every opportunity that you get to touch her because the sense of touch has a huge impact on the release of oxytocin in the brain; that’s the neurochemical responsible for the sense of bonding and closeness.
10.Work on yourself.
This is the last on our list, but certainly not the least, and while all other points were women-centric, this one is through and through men-centered.
The one thing that we can tell you, for a fact, is that you can’t possibly focus on your partner’s pleasure if you are too wrapped up in thoughts of your own inadequacies.
We have told you that vaginal intercourse is not the be all and end all for women, but if your lack of lasting power is robbing you of self-confidence, rest assured that it will mar your sex life.
Similarly, if those love handles have created body image issues, they will infringe on your ability to derive pleasure and satisfaction from sex.
So, invest in your health, fitness, nutrition and personal hygiene, because you can’t possibly perform well at anything, including sex, if you are not feeling good in your head.
References cited:
(1)https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/31502071
(2) https://www.researchgate.net/publication/26767968_Men%27s_and_Women%27s_Reports_of_Pretending_Orgasm
Other references
- https://www.fpa.org.uk/women-deserve-orgasms
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/great-ape-expectations/201605/should-women-expect-orgasm-during-sex
- https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319671#Communication-at-the-heart-of-the-matter
- https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/the-power-of-the-female-orgasm-why-women-should-always-come-first-9751642.html
- https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn26335-final-word-on-female-orgasm-is-an-anticlimax/?ignored=irrelevant#.VDT4ePldVHU
- https://www.nhs.uk/news/lifestyle-and-exercise/vaginal-orgasm-doesnt-exist-researchers-argue/
- https://www.webmd.com/men/features/sex-fact-fiction#1
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-and-sex/201510/the-orgasm-gap-simple-truth-sexual-solutions
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201910/one-key-men-s-sexual-satisfaction-women-s-orgasms
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/200903/the-most-important-sexual-statistic
- http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530
- https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/orgasm-gap-why-it-exists-what-women-can-do-about-ncna983311
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200706/five-shocking-stats-about-men-and-sex
- http://www.nbcnews.com/id/38006774/ns/health-sexual_health/t/sorry-guys-percent-women-admit-faking-it/#.Xs1vMZlLdPb
- https://www.vogue.com/article/breathless-why-do-we-fake-orgasms
- https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/g19547414/50-best-sex-tips/
- https://www.webmd.com/men/guide/7-sex-mistakes-men-make#1